my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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