Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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