literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
