Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
