I cannot find my penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Operation Purity has been aborted
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
