That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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