Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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