Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
