I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
