just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
accomplished twins. life is a go
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
