you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
