Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
