I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
