dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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