Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
