fuck your aforementioned shoe
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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