And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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