Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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