They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
