We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
