He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
