I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
