batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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