At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
