2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
