im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
