my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
