just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
