The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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