He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
