Whod you bang
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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