I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
