had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
