Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
