I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
