bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
