Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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