My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
