I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
