i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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