there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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