I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
