i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sponge bath it is.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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