theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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