The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
