I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
