I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
