I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
