it hurts more in the daytime
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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