I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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